Why You Keep Replaying That Argument - And How Therapy Can Help You Process It

When the Story Keeps Repeating

There’s a moment that often happens in therapy.

You sit down, take a breath, and begin to tell me about a conflict. Maybe an argument with a colleague, a misunderstanding with a friend, basically, something that still feels charged.

Before you know it, we’re deep in the retelling, where every detail is replayed like a scene on loop.

It’s a bit like catching me up.

But somewhere inside the story, there’s a pause waiting to happen.

Because the story itself (what was said, who was right, what should’ve happened...) isn’t always where the healing lives.

It’s what happens beneath the story that starts to shift things.

What Does "Processing Emotions" Mean in Therapy?

When we talk about emotional processing in therapy, this is often what we mean.

It’s not about analyzing every detail until it makes sense.
And it’s not about rushing to let it go.

Processing, to me, is about slowing down.

It’s the moment when we stop inside the story, mid-scene, and turn our attention inward:

• What am I feeling right now?

• Where do I feel it in my body?

• What is this moment asking me to notice?

It’s quiet work. Sometimes uncomfortable work.

But it’s what allows the looping story to soften, to turn from something that happens to you into something you can gently hold, explore, and eventually release.

Why We Replay Arguments (and How Mindfulness Can Help)

The next time you find yourself mentally replaying an argument, try to pause.

Take a breath.

Notice what’s alive in your body in that moment.

Maybe it’s a tightness in your chest. A clench in your jaw. A wave of anger or resentment.

That’s where processing begins.

You don’t have to fix the feeling. You don’t even have to understand it right away.

Just notice it. Name it, softly and without judgment.

This simple act of noticing it’s mindfulness. It helps interrupt the mental replay and brings you back to the present.

A Creative Exercise to Help with Emotional Processing

If you want to take it a step further, try this:

Imagine your emotion, maybe it’s frustration, anxiety, or even shame, as a small, harmless creature.

Like some tired gremlin, a little and prickly porcupine, or maybe it’s a small hummingbird that won’t settle.

Can you see it? That creature that’s not evil, just overwhelmed and in need of attention.

Now imagine giving it something it needs: a little cookie, a nap, a kind word.

This may sound playful, but it’s a small creative act.

It helps us shift perspective and increase that cognitive flexibility, both of which are key for emotional regulation.

By imagining your emotion this way, you’re gently stepping outside of what’s expected, inviting both hemispheres of the brain to work together. The imaginative part calms the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system), while the mindful noticing strengthens self-compassion and emotional awareness.

So this simple image works on several powerful levels:

• It interrupts the mental loop of rumination.

• It stretches the mind toward curiosity instead of self-criticism.

• It opens the door to self-compassion — that quiet, essential skill of staying with what’s hard without judgment.

Every time you pause like this, you’re practicing the art of slowing down inside your own story.

You’re creating space, to feel, to breathe, and to move forward.

If You're Ready to Start Processing Emotions in Therapy

If your mind tends to replay old scenes long after they’ve ended, therapy can be a place to pause, to feel, and to find a gentler way forward.

You don’t have to stay caught in the loop.

You can learn to rest inside it, and then move through.

If you’re curious about starting therapy or simply have a question, you can connect with me here.

And if what you’re carrying sometimes feels like too much, like you keep stretching yourself to hold it all together, you might also find resonance in this reflection on overwhelm and the image of the too-full vase.

This space is for you, too.